An original mini rock opera in the style of fun. that tells the story of a night at the club from the POV of one particularly “celebratory” party-goer. It reminds us all that we don’t always have to be safe and responsible to have a good time.

Download “We Won the Night” from SoundCloud

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Here’s Part 1

That’s right!  Bring it on, 2013!  You thought you could just waltz on in with your so-called “New Year” and everything would be cool?  Good luck!  I squandered the years 1979 – 2012 and now I’m taking it out on you.

For the first time ever it’s Man VS Year!

I’m gonna kick your kneecaps into your groin.  I’m gonna kick your groin into your neck.  Then I’m gonna kick your neck into the sky.  And all the planes up there are gonna be like “Woah!  Was that a…?  Nahhhh!”

I’m gonna slam you to the ground then stomp on the majority of your throat bones.  That’s right, the number of throat bones that are stomped will amount to more than the number of throat bones that aren’t stomped.  THAT’S A MAJORITY, FOOL!

We got this!   We. Got. This.

I’m gonna bend your elbows the wrong way. Then, if you have kids, your kids are gonna see your wrong-ass elbows and be like “We don’t want you to be our daddy anymore”.  Then they’ll join my brood and we’ll tour the country to let Allmerica know that 2013 is a huge-ass PUSS-ASS-TARD!  If you don’t have kids, then I’ll just go ahead and tell all the female years that you can’t cut it in the sack.   None of the years will want to have sex with you after that, haha!

You messed with the wrong time-frame.  Maybe if you showed up after 2010 we’d have been more tolerant.  But no, 2013, you had to come right after 2012.  Big mistake.

You may be an imaginary label for an arbitrary sub-division of an abstract concept, but that won’t stop me from kicking you and your face and your ass and your balls right in the dick!

We got this.

We got this.

We got this.

Bring it, 2013.

We got this.

And 2014:  don’t even bother.

Sincerely,

Guy who Hates Years.

Just when you though law enforcement couldn’t get any sexier, here comes “Throbbin” Dwight Penn to make everything just a little oozy.  This song is about love, specifically the “doin’ it” part of love.   Come see what love’s like on the other side of the law: the hineyside.

Official promo trailer for Stick ‘Em Up (Your Love Hands Up) by “Throbbin” Dwight Penn.  Do you like love?  Do you like Police and police themed things?  Have you ever even considered thrusting the two together?  This song will hand cuff your heart to your crotch and vice versa (and back again).

He’s Bite Shark and he Bites like a Shark Bite!

Bite Shark is the baddest toy you’ve ever used your eyes to look at!  When you buy Bite Shark, he owns you!  Don’t even try to think about attempting to fight it.  Bite Shark wins.

But wait!  Bite Shark may have some competition that go by the names of Roar Bear and Legtopus.  It may be time to declare a new champion.  Champion of what?  What’s even going on here?

Bite Shark!!

www.playholeToys.com

Christmas is a holiday full of things. Things that we either celebrate, experience, forget, ignore, or punish. Here are a few of them in list format. P.S. don’t forget to watch the blooper reel after the song to get a glimpse of what it’s like to work with a professional sing-artist.

Back in 1974 The Polish Irish Tenor begged Cat Stevens to participate in a duet. Cat Stevens has regretted it ever since. I found this footage in an old foot locker, lodged under grandma’s mummified remains.